A Good Liar
by One Soul
Summary: One-shot written from Edward's POV - his thoughts and feelings after hearing second-hand from Rosalie Alice's vision of Bella. Midnight Sun/New Moon.


**A Good Liar**

* * *

I was a good liar; I had to be. And I had told the blackest lie I have ever told in all my years, a lie that I thought I would be caught in as soon as the words left my mouth. These were words that never should have been believed – let alone thought or spoken – but then she had never seen herself clearly. I thought she would have seen through me and fought – been difficult as always. My beautiful, stubborn Bella. She was my life and even though I told her that time and time again in an attempt to convince her of the fact, she chose to give in to her ridiculous insecurities and believe the blasphemy coming from my lips that day. She will never know how horribly that injured me when she resigned herself to the lie that she believed as truth.

The thing that I had always agonized about had come to pass. I had always been anxious that Bella would get into trouble and hurt herself due to her frail human condition that was so absurdly amplified by her awkward clumsiness. Not to mention the fact that perpetual danger followed her mercilessly as a magnet because of me and my family; the thing that I always protected her from had happened anyway. Death had stolen her from the world, from me. She went looking for it, gave herself up to it. I felt like I was already burning.

_It's all my fault, _I thought as waves of guilt and shame overcame me.

Choking back the sobs that threatened to prevail over me, I realized how terribly I failed her, my family and myself. My whole reason for living was lost - drowned with _her_ in the ocean after she flung herself off of a cliff in her last act of desperate unhappiness. The guilt I felt from causing this event that in turn would precipitate what I had to do, tore me apart when I imagined my father Carlisle's devastation, and Esme's gentle face crumpling in eternal sadness. The loss of another child would change her soft, loving nature forever. But I couldn't help that anymore than I could for my love for Bella.

Rosalie's sing-song voice ringing with a panic brought on by my anticipated response, as well as Jacob Black's harsh words, still echoed in my mind and would until my existence ceased. I took solace in the fact that that wouldn't be for much longer.

"_Edward, Bella's dead. Alice saw it happen."_

"_He's at the funeral."_

An agonized moan escaped my lips as I almost crushed the cell phone still clutched in my hand. Though I had left out of love to protect her and to give her a chance at a happy life, I instead caused Bella's suicide. I had already decided that I could not live in a world where she didn't exist – the possibility had presented itself to me once before, when I thought that James had taken her away from me. I had been ready to go to the Volturi, to provoke them, to ask them to end my life. Closing my eyes, I knew that there was only one thing to do now.

_I was coming back to you, love._

My selfishness won, I had conceded that I couldn't live like this anymore. Earlier in the day I had booked a flight and was going to be back in Forks by tomorrow night to beg her for forgiveness. I was a hollow shell without her. Barely surviving an hour at a time, let alone a day, the gaping hole in my dead heart kept growing larger and it eventually completely enveloped me; a pain I had never felt before took hold, and I was simply not strong enough to endure it any longer. I could not allow my family to see me in this state – I loved them too much – and so I stayed away.

I was too late. Never again would I gaze into her warm, loving eyes. They were closed forever and my life had ended with hers. I called the airlines, canceled my original flight, and booked a new one that would deliver me to my end.

_Oh my love, I was coming home to you._

My knees gave out then as I pictured her lifeless body being pulled from the sea and I sunk to the floor, my hands pulling at my hair. I would never hold her in my arms again, feel her soft warmth against my chest or kiss her yielding lips. I had failed her, utterly and completely. Grief-stricken, I went the rest of the way down to the floor, curling up into a ball while howling in my torment.

* * *

I don't know how long I sobbed tearlessly on the floor of my room, but twilight was not far off. Mechanically, I lifted myself up from where I lay curled up. I had always known what I would do when Bella left the world; Alice already knew my plans, and would be aware of my intentions to see Aro. In her visions, she would have seen that I knew about the events that had transpired in Forks, and would likely already be on her way by herself or with the family to try to stop me. But she couldn't, no one could; it would be too late to stop me and it was impossible for me to continue on in this barely-functional manner. I couldn't implicate them in my death-wish – the Volturi couldn't be allowed to punish my family for who they would assume as my accomplices in whatever display I may have to carry out.

Leaving the room, I took very little with me – a small carry-on bag for the plane, mostly for show.

_As if it really mattered now. _

A bitter laugh escaped my lips. _I could expose myself at anytime, though the Volturi would have to come find me, and I don't want to wait._

In my pocket as always, I carried the only token I had of Bella – the lemonade bottle cap that I had saved from lunch that day that seemed so long ago now. The day when I started composing again – when her lullaby came to me as I ditched biology and the blood-typing lesson that had Bella fainting.

My cell phone vibrated. I glanced down at the caller id – it was Carlisle. Alice would be calling next. The family all knew how well Alice and I always got along; she would be their best chance of convincing me not to do what I was determined to. Quickening my pace, I tossed the phone into a garbage can on the way to my waiting car. It was best this way.

The airport was only ten minutes away; I made my plane easily. Settling in to my seat for the eleven hour flight, I was thankful that no one had the seat next to me. The way that I looked – inhuman, frightening and dangerous – I doubt anyone would want to.

In my mind, I began to say my goodbyes – Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper...I dedicated time to each of them, writing each of them a letter that I would hide away in a locker at the airport. Alice would know where to look. The rest of the time I spent replaying all my time with Bella, as I had every day since I left her seven months ago. I began at the beginning, remembering every minute with perfect clarity; how her scent caused me such pain at the start of our acquaintance, how she trusted me so entirely and the way she looked into my eyes with such acceptance and love...

The first time I held her body against mine, thus saving her life and forever sealing my fate: Tyler Crowley's van coming towards her again and again like a magnet, me catching her and stopping the hulk from crushing and pulverizing her fragile body. She was warm, soft and fitted perfectly against my length; it was this moment that decided which path I would take at the crossroads Alice spoke of.

Saving her from Lonnie and the rape gang and then sitting with her at dinner afterwards...

Feeling the strange, long dormant human desires stir within me when looking at her body...

Watching her sleep and hearing her speak my name while she dreamt...

Overcoming my thirst for her blood and welcoming the burn...

Telling her I loved her...

Kissing her for the first time...

Knowing that her heartbeat was the most significant sound in the world...

Daring beyond hope that she could love me as much as I did her...

Proving that I loved her more by leaving to keep her safe...

Gasping, I felt as if I were burning in the fire again. A whole lot of good my abandoning her did – it only hastened the end. She had told me that couldn't be without me, and that I should never speak of such a thing. Why did I have to be so stubborn?

_Because of my love for her. Her happiness was more important to me than my own life._

I had wanted to protect her soul; I couldn't let Alice's visions – either of them - come to pass. There had been two possibilities foreseen – Bella would either die, or become one of us. At the time, I believed that it would be me that would end up killing her – by accident, but killing her nonetheless...

First there was me...

Then there was James...

Then there was Jasper...

Then there was Bella, jumping to her death.

In my arrogance, I was determined to force a third possibility – that by removing my family and myself from her life, she could live on and find happiness. Not be surrounded by death and a soulless future.

I should have known not to bet against Alice.

Fate was sealed; a decision had been made that couldn't ever be undone.

Hysterics threatened to overcome my border-line control; I was somewhat thankful that the majority of the passengers were sleeping, and the lights were almost all out. Not that anything mattered anymore. I could tear this plane apart in my agony – but then I'd still survive the crash.

* * *

They denied me. They denied me my release. They denied me.

* * *

I knew that Alice could see me flipping through the possible displays that would force the Volturi to give me what I wanted; what I needed. I also knew that my family would try to intervene – but no matter how much I loved them and didn't want to bring them additional sadness, I could not live without my heart. There was no way, once changed; a vampire will be forever altered. It was akin to taking a raw piece of marble and then carving a masterpiece out of it – it was an impossibility to return it to its original state. Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie and Emmett. Alice and Jasper. Edward and Bella.

"_You are my life now."_

Was there a heaven? Was Carlisle right? Did I have a soul, and if I did, had I redeemed myself as best I could to be worthy of existing there? Would I see her again, somewhere where we could live together forever without me having to curse her with eternal twilight and burning thirst?

_Bella, will I see you again?_

I would find out soon.

I decided that I would wait until high noon – it was Saint Marcus Day, ironically – and then I would expose myself to the humans by standing in the sunlight. There was a huge crowd this year; red-clad throngs of pulsing life pushed everywhere through the streets of Volterra, banners and flags of crimson snapping in the breeze. The square would be the perfect place – under the Palazzo dei Priori.

Making my way through the dark walkways of the ancient city, I began to forgive the monster and once again be Edward Anthony Masen, son of Edward and Elizabeth. My human memories were very dim, for the most part, but I held a couple still. I asked my parents for forgiveness. I despaired that Bella hadn't come to me then, in that simple world where I could have been a husband to her and no scary monsters would come for us. A world where we could stroll arm-in-arm in the sunlight, watching our children play and grow.

A world that would never be.

I stood in the shadows. The clock tolled once...

Twice...

I took a deep breath to remind myself of the monster that I was.

Three...

I closed my eyes and relaxed my body forcibly against the predator instincts.

Four...

Five...

I let my family go.

Six...

I forgave myself.

Seven...

I unbuttoned the shirt I was wearing; let it fall to the ground.

Eight...

I smiled, I was with Bella. Her chocolate-brown eyes held nothing but love for me, how could I ever deny her my presence? Somehow I knew that I would see her again, and we would never again be apart.

Nine...

I stepped to the edge.

"No! Edward, look at me!"

My angel was coming to claim me, and I exulted in hearing her voice. One more step, and then the end, then I could be free. I smiled again as I lifted my foot – and was ran into by a warm, luscious-smelling body. I slowly opened my eyes.

Ten...

"Amazing...Carlisle was right." There before me was my angel, my Bella. There was a heaven! I had been forgiven, and here was my eternal reward!

The angel was out of breath, trying to push me back into the shadows. "Edward," she gasped, "You've got to get back in the shadows. You have to move!"

I grinned, amused at this silly, beautiful vision. The blush on her cheeks was exquisite; I had to touch. She was still trying to make me move, but why?

Eleven...

I didn't notice the transition; the Volturi were good, I'd give them that. Seconds had passed, and they had already dispatched me! How else could I be with Bella again? I was grateful for that. "I can't believe how quick it was," I murmured. "I didn't feel a thing – they're very good." Ah, her hair! I kissed it, relishing being with her finally. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,_" I recited one of her favourites, Romeo and Juliet.

Twelve...

Her scent! It burned me as I welcomed it.

"You smell just exactly the same as always," I told her, breathing her in deeply. How could this be if we were both dead and this was heaven? Would this torture follow me always? "So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

And I didn't care, as long as I with her, nothing else mattered.

The angel Bella struggled in my arms, demanding my attention. "I'm not dead, and neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

Something was amiss. Confused, I asked her to repeat herself – too late!

Instant clarity.

* * *

_**Sometime later...**_

Grinning, I looked over at my sister. She was pouting, hand on her hips and trying to look stern. "I told you Alice, a loophole."

"Edward," she sighed, dropping her hands and shaking her head. "They are clearer now than ever, you can see that. A decision has been made – have you stopped to think that maybe it's not your decision? That it's Bella's?"

That angered me slightly. "What do you mean?" I knew what she meant, but I was still in denial. The same two possibilities were laid out before us; nothing had changed, even with what we had just gone through, though the death possibility was fading. However – the vampire future in Alice's vision had become more elaborate. Not only could she see herself arm-in-arm with Bella – pale, cold and with the crimson eyes of a newborn – she foresaw us hunting together, running in the forest.

She also saw my heart's desire coming true – Bella marrying me.

Which meant the condition was met. Would be met.

"Alice, if you speak one more word of this around Bella, or encourage her in anyway," I warned her as she came closer to grab up my hands in hers.

"Yes yes, Edward. Not a word. But I don't need to say anything – the course is set. Her choice, you'll see." Alice's voice sang happily and she smiled. "You should really know better brother, not to bet against the psychic." With that, she whirled around and skipped away – leaving me to my thoughts.

Even footsteps made their way toward me.

_I meant what I said, son. I will not lose you, and if that means that Bella becomes one of us, so be it. _Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder, lending me his support. _It is of her own free will that she makes this choice – and we love her as a daughter. Please Edward, you deserve to be happy – let her give this to you._

Frustrated and confused, I sighed. "Her soul..."

"No," he interrupted me softly. "I will not lose you again. Be that now or in 70 years, I will not see Esme go through that pain again. I will change her if she asks me to."

I shook my head slowly. "I _won't_ bet against Alice again. It will be me. After the wedding."

A smile spread across my father's face.

"Just wait," I said, holding up a hand. "She hasn't actually said yes yet, so..."

"Of course," Carlisle chuckled. He put both hands on my shoulders. We both knew it would come to pass at some point in the near future. "We'll keep it in the family until it's set. But you're very wise not to bet against your sister anymore."

* * *

She was fast asleep by the time I came in through her window. My dead-heart swelled as I took in her beauty; I marveled at the knowledge that she was mine. I would never leave her side now, not unless she ordered me away. It would always be Bella`s choice, from now on – forever. I was her faithful servant, and I would do anything to make up leaving her, to earn her forgiveness and trust.

Silently I slipped into the bed beside her, breathing deeply of her scent. I carefully wrapped my arms around her as she mumbled my name in her sleep. Feeling as if my chest would burst with happiness, I allowed myself to briefly consider her belief that I wasn't damned, that I did have a soul. For if that were true and she did truly join my family and me in our way of life, then we could be together for all eternity...and we could both act on our physical yearnings for each other without fear of serious injury or accidental death.

Smiling blackly, I dismissed the thoughts from my mind for now. No matter how I tried to discourage my Bella, she would not let this one go – but for now I would enjoy her fragility, her humanity – and surrender myself to her. The center of my universe.

**A/N: I do not own any of these characters - Stephanie Meyers does - I'm just playing with them a little ;)**

**Hope you enjoyed.**

**xoxo  
**


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